He’s so well read, he wants to talk like TED,
Crossing the road of life with Super Ted,
Spotting the hedgehog bodies hogging the edge –
Life’s black and white, so use the zebra crossing instead.
Sweeps the product through the hair on his head,
Well fed with Timotei, young Timothy styles it skilfully,
Swoosh, slip down to the 5 o’clock shadows
Hanging over the lake like evening midges
Squidgy cheeks, pudgy eyelids through which button mushroom eyes peek,
He can’t speak when he’s biting his lip
Clipping the tip of his tongue with an enamel paper clip,
Gyrates the hips and slips shoe tread wider,
Legs spread like a compass measuring angles,
The olive green chinos stretch tighter
Dividing the gentile genitals so two veg and meat don’t overheat.
Groaning Verona, these two genial gentlemen
Generate products even a genius genie couldn’t recall…
Left hand dangles, fingers curled not mangled,
Managing to handle the curse of manhood:
Namely, blaming the bitterness of wormwood
On the bittersweet firmness of today’s
Gastric banding fabrics and their sadistic
Lack of give and elastic.