Lemme segway a sec, cos I’ve totally pegged
This hen-pecked, pen-heckled,
Old speckled hen sipper,
Cackling, old, tapas tipple tipper,
Real deal, Big Dipper zipper ripper.
Claptrap trapping, insensitive sentence clipper,
Yom Kippur for the mansplaining leg spreader,
Straying in boots made of real leather,
Cowskin soles, maturing his cheddar,
Pray for the weather, air miles collector
Fucking springtime Alpine ski slope sledder,
Regretting greeting Greta at the regatta,
Shoulda sat with them legs together, forever.
Forget her genial gaze, bet she’s older than a genie’s age,
Or older than the jeans in which Norma Jeane lays.
Got beads on his wrist,
Polished mahogany shackles carved out of sticks
Probably by someone who lives in the sticks
Turning these tricks, I hope that it sticks
Custom fitted for the rich, or for
Kitsch – open bracket,
bracelet wearing, oversharing, uncaring
close bracket – dicks.
Seems to forget exactly where it is that he is,
There’s strictly no sound on the underground
But it abounds when a throaty guffaw flags up his flaws
So take your best pick from the penny pick n mix:
Unbuttoned shirt fluttering under a North Face fleece zip?
Or money not in a wallet but held in a clip?
Words slurred by a permanent lisp?
The blue blood glues shut his lips,
That’s just how it is.