I’m currently high and watching my friend play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Whilst he’s doing this i’m wearing the xbox (ergh, i hate it too) headset and am screaming film cliches and obscenities to all and and sunder. I think most people have muted me.

I was sat smoking earlier and was just looking up at the clear night sky. It was beautiful – the moon was waxing and waning, wailing its beautiful silvery light on the earth. I think i saw Venus, it might have been Mars though; i couldn’t be sure.

Friday night provided me my most awkward sexual encounter yet. Me and this girl were lying naked to each other, making out, when she suddenly turns to me and says ‘I don’t think we should, I want the first time to special’ – my response? I simply sighed an aggrieved sigh. That wasn’t the worst bit. I later tried to convince her that i’t would be special and that we would connect as one and our psyches would meld’. I left at 5:30 am, unsatisfied, and making excuses about having to get ready for football.

I really am the worst type of person. Sometimes.